Chapter One

A NEW BEGINNING

Living in today’s world brings a constant barrage of pressures and problems. Wars and rumors of war, terrorism, and crime affect the whole world on a daily basis. We easily accept our individual powerlessness over these larger happenings; yet often agonize over our inability to control personal problems. Marital conflict, strained relationships, financial difficulties, unemployment, work pressures, and personal feelings of inadequacy or frustration hammer our emotions into a solid lump of pain. In desperation and ignorance, we seek to escape this pain with pursuits that make us feel good. Many of these activities provide seemingly short-term relief, but unfortunately have the potential to become addictive. We did not set out looking for an addiction. We simply wanted to escape our woes and feel better.

The short-term benefits make them easy to pursue. In the early stages of the addiction, we are not aware of the underlying long-term destruction that lies ahead. All addictions contain a common underlying cause and the same general beginning. We are trying to pacify a deep inner craving for significance and peace of mind. In the early stage, it simply feels good. Though each uses a different path to satisfy the internal craving, the short-term benefits do not last and the long-term results are always the same.

As the addiction progresses it will make us do something we should not have done, or keep us from doing something we ought to have done. It matters little how much we may think we are in control or how harmless it may seem at the time. It will cause us to deceive others and lie about ourselves. If we practice it long and hard enough, we will inevitably experience the harsh long-term consequences inherent to the addiction. We lose personal control and choice over the addiction; and self-disgust, sickness, financial destruction, and deep emotional pain follows.

Humanity has managed to devise many ways of escaping reality. We are creatures with susceptibilities to want to always feel good physically and emotionally. We have a passion for pleasure! It is during the pursuit of pleasure that we create our own problems. Overeating, gambling, drugs, and sexual addiction are key problems in our society today. Less noticeable and more acceptable are smoking, emotional bingeing, overspending, and other forms of relief we simply label as bad habits.

The most commonly route of escape today is through alcohol, which brings - the disease of alcoholism! An acceptable figure for alcohol-dependent persons in the United States is ten percent of the total population. Since alcoholism is a disease of denial, the actual figures are certain to be much greater. Statistics are showing that:

• Two-thirds of the population drinks, but 10% of all drinkers (those who drink most heavily) drink half of all alcohol consumed (NIAAA, Sixth Special Report to US Congress on Alcohol and Health, USDHHS, 1/87, p. 3).

• About 43% of American adults have alcoholism in the family; they grew up with, married an alcoholic or a problem drinker, or had a blood relative who was an alcoholic or problem drinker. (National Center for Health Statistics {NCHS}, Advance Data, USDHHS, No. 205, 9/30/91, p. 1).

• Based on victim reports, each year 37% of reported rapes and sexual assaults involve alcohol use by the offender. Also in just over 15% of robberies, about 27% of aggravated assaults and nearly 25% of simple assaults (US Department of Justice, Alcohol and Crime: An Analysis of National Data on the Prevalence of Alcohol Involvement in Crime, 4/98).

• Alcohol is detected in the offender, victim, or both in about half of all homicides and serious assaults, as well as in a high percentage of sex-related crimes, robberies, and incidents of domestic violence, and alcohol-related problems are disproportionately found among both juvenile and adult criminal offenders (NIAAA, Eighth Special Report, op. it. p. xi).

• Alcohol contributes to 100,000 deaths annually, making it the third leading cause of preventable mortality in the US, after tobacco and diet/activity patterns (J McGinnis & W Foege, “Actual Causes of Death in the United States,” Journal of the American Medical Association {JAMA}, Vol. 270, No. 18,11/10/93, p. 2208).

• Thirty-eight percent of all traffic fatalities (the leading cause of accidental death) relate to alcohol (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration,5/27/99 press release)

• Alcoholics are nearly five times more likely than others to die in motor vehicle crashes (NIAAA,Eighth Special Report, op. cit., p. 233).

• Estimates suggest that alcohol is associated with between 47% and 65% of adult drowning (Ibid,p. 243).

• Studies of suicide victims in the general population show that about 20% of such suicide victims are alcoholic (NIAAA, AHRW, Vol. 17, No. 2, 1993, p. 133).

In today’s society, the overall attitude is one that promotes the use and appeal of alcohol. It is socially acceptable - even glamorous! Today’s philosophy espouses doing those things that make us feel good - doing our own thing. We easily buy into the belief that drinking alcohol is normal natural behavior. We often relax with a drink after a hard day’s work. This underlying belief of normalcy supports thinking that easily rationalizes away the reasons for drinking behavior.

In other words, regardless of what alcohol does to us individually or as a society, it is still all right to drink because everyone does it. Even if we did get drunk at that party and made fools of ourselves, it is okay because, “Isn’t that what everyone does now and again?” The reasoning pattern continues as, “Well, I have seen it happen to them and they are normal, so I can

go ahead and do what I feel like because everybody else does.”

At first, it seems as though a glass of alcohol relaxes us. In a sense this is true as the alcohol temporarily dulls the feelings that keep us from relaxing. Worries, concerns, and fears become chemically overridden, thereby providing a sense of relief. A feeling of euphoric serenity temporarily suspends the unpleasant feelings. The short-term euphoric feelings are enjoyable, and set the stage for a future escape the next time we feel the need. The original unpleasant feelings will return.

If we drink a little more than intended, we develop a fear that we may have done something we should not have, or forgotten to do something we should have. The guilt trip we lay upon ourselves is so unpleasant that our natural defense is to ignore the reality of what lies at the root of the emotional pain. We turn back to alcohol to remove the pain that alcohol itself brought. The cycle continues and we become caught in it - all from our need to feel good!

Medical authorities define alcohol as a depressant that decreases the responses of the central nervous system. We feel its effects as a reducing of anxiety and tension, and fail to see the debilitating effects it has on our coordination and self-control. This emotional blindness is the first signature in alcohol’s deceptive nature. It has the ability to hide its true nature.

We often believe a drink makes us more sociable. Does this mean our personality changes after taking a drink of alcohol? If so, how have we changed? Which personality is the real us? Is it the former without the alcohol or the latter under its influence? Most people are not aware these differing personalities coexist, or for that matter even care. In fact, we often delight in the ability to create illusions about ourselves when we are drinking. We make our words fit the moment at hand to support our ego. We will eventually regret it.

The dilemma is that the alcoholic personality enjoys the false level of serenity - or perhaps bravery - that its effects bring. This feeling of serenity emanates from a chemical euphoria, not upon the natural serenity that occurs when an individual is at real peace with his or her self. This false serenity lodges deep in our memory bank. It patiently waits for the next uncomfortable event to trigger it. Herein lays a second signature to alcohol’s effect on the drinker. It tempts us back with its false serenity and likable personality and gives us justification for the next bout. This is a crafty form of deception alcohol has on the drinker.

As we progress into alcoholism, we become unconscious experts at saying things that are not truthful to justify the next experience. We do not set out to lie. What occurs in our in our belief system is the formation of error. It becomes a mistaken belief (misbelief) which is a belief that does not represent reality. Misbeliefs can cause us to behave in a manner and with actions that we believe will meet our needs, but do not. A misbelief has the appearance of being truthful, but has deep deception in its roots.

With repetition this error solidifies in our belief system and it becomes easy to rationalize, or explain away, our need to drink. It becomes common to have thoughts such as, “Boy, I need a drink to get this rough day behind me” or “The boss had no right to talk to me that way. I’m going to stop for a couple of quick beers before I go home.” The error controls our thinking and actions at the expense of reason. Alcohol now pulls at us even before we take the first drink.

Our addiction becomes excessive and compulsive, and our life becomes self-centered.  The chemical and emotional dependence, which we have on alcohol, is apparent to everyone – but us. People begin telling us about our problem. We develop irrational fears that someone or something will prevent us from getting our next drink. Our environment can either help or hinder this process. Our work, family, and social environments may accept our early drinking episodes. When others fail to hold us personally accountable for our behavior, we find ourselves further enabled to continue a downward spiral into the alcoholic abyss.

The consequences will eventually impinge on all facets of our life, and the lives of others. Surveys show that one person’s alcoholic behavior will influence and affect the lives of 18 other people! It is predictable that others will seriously question our problem - and our behavior! The drinker usually remains unable to admit that he or she has an addictive problem, and continues the deception to get that next drink. Lying comes natural as our rationalizing alcoholic mind finds justification for it. We believe that our drinking is our own business and everyone else is wrongfully accusing us. We want them to leave us alone.

As we continue sliding downward our denial system kicks into high gear! We become very cunning, deceitful, and faithless. Our problems worsen, eventually affecting our family, friends, business associates, and more. Relationships crumble and we fall deep into the blame game. Soon, to cover previous lies, we find ourselves creating deceptions that are even more complex. Our excuses shift the blame to anybody or anything our mind can conceive. We become adept at creating lies to fit any situation. We have become oblivious to the fact that the biggest lie of all is the one we keep telling to ourselves.

Our thoughts and actions become very erratic. The only meaningful aspect of our life is that we get that next drink! Each drinking bout, without exception, moves us closer to the inevitable ending. We begin having blackouts and our health show signs of deterioration. It becomes more difficult to brush these signs off or create lies to cover them up. Consequences resulting from our drinking behavior are abundant and becoming harsher!

We may feel a tremendous amount of guilt and shame, and make many attempts to quit our deceitful, drinking behavior (half-heartedly). We may be successful – but only for a period as false pride over our brief success wins the day. We try to only have that one drink - but cannot. This is futile! We do not, nor can we stop at just one drink, and we are off and running again - downhill! The consequences continue to worsen. We are mentally and physically very sick and begin to believe that we need help - but still unable to do something about it! In one breath we cry out for God to help and in the next breath curse Him for not doing so. We become very confused and we are either void of emotion or totally angry and resentful. The ability to control our drinking problem is just not a reachable reality.

What started innocently enough soon became a habit and rapidly progressed into a serious addiction! Once this addictive state occurs, we no longer can see or prevent the problems that alcoholism brings with it. Reaching this state we continue to drink in an attempt to find the serenity alcohol brought earlier, but now fail to find it. We no longer can make intelligent decisions in choosing whether we will drink or not. Our distorted thinking and emotions tell us we must drink! We have become powerless over alcohol, and once this state occurs, not drinking is no longer a choice we are able to consider. Not all of us reach this state of alcoholism by the same route. Our paths can be different, but the result is always the same! We become deceived into believing we cannot live life without alcohol and will go to any means to get it.

Let us not be naive about this - it can happen to anyone! How much money you have is not a factor, nor is the bloodline you carry, what your personality is like, or what kind of alcohol you drink. It always bites in the end if you drink it long enough. There is no control over the line where it becomes addictive! We will reach the state of permanency where we have lost the ability to successfully drink and in our own strength are unable to stop.

Further complicating our problem is a habit whose roots of deception go deep into our belief system. The simple fact is that when we drink alcohol we will most always get drunk, and will always experience bad consequences! The euphoric feelings, that we once had, are a long forgotten memory. Blackouts become frequent and we are reaping the long-term destructive nature of the disease. We have reached the dilemma of not being able to live with it or without it, and are facing physical, emotional, and spiritual destruction. Without intervention and help we will die!

Coming to this realization is extremely painful. When we find ourselves at this point, we have reached the level of pain that forces us to seek help. This is what we call reaching our bottom or bottoming out. Many of us never reach this state because of sudden and unexpected death - sometimes, even at our own hand! The only other end is a jail, a hospital, a psychiatric ward, or if we are very fortunate we find a spiritual solution. Short of a miracle, there are very few other choices. A small percentage seeks outside help before the bad results happen. Some of us get professional counseling, others enter rehabilitation programs, and still others find help in the church they attend.

Many of us go to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) because of its highly successful reputation and because - it is free. Living among us in the general population are millions of recovering alcoholics who have walked this path. Within the fellowship of AA, we find spiritual principles that are general enough to provide meaningful recovery for our disease. We embrace a common solution. It involves the removal of the addiction on a one day at a time basis and incorporates a basic spiritual and non-religious 12-Step process.

The AA program has a record of being reasonably successful. At its core are simple spiritual principles that initially define a power greater than ourselves and as we progress - God as we understood Him. This unique spiritual approach is general enough to start anyone on the path of discovering the reality of a loving God. The AA program has brought hope and lasting help to millions.

On a personal level, I followed the deadly path of alcoholism and found relief in the program of AA. The hand of God has tailor-made the 12-Step program for people like me. It has done a wondrous work to deliver me from my addictive dilemma and has majorly contributed to the emotional and spiritual growth that operates in my life today. The program was exactly what I needed and it immediately began to provide a daily reprieve from my addiction.

With the removal of alcohol and after some sanity returned it became apparent that my life sidetracked when I started drinking. Along the way I had formed many illusions about how life should be lived. After successfully breaking away from these lies I overflowed with an immense amount of gratitude. I had a deeper desire to know more about the underlying spiritual side of the program. I started an intense search to know and understand more about this God as we understood Him and about the life-giving truths shared in the program.

Truth about the disease of alcoholism becomes meaningful as one reads the main book used by members of Alcoholics Anonymous. This book, called the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, has provided a source of practical wisdom about alcoholism that has helped millions of us with recovery. Its purpose, when written in 1939, was to share the common experience, strengths, and hopes of a growing number of recovering drunks with a world that had labeled alcoholics - as hopeless and helpless. Together with the vital fellowship of AA, it has done its job well.

Many times, while reading this book, my thoughts turned toward wondering if the spiritual truths in it and in the program might have a deeper source. This need for answers grew more intense as I heard deeper truths discussed by more spiritual people in the program. They seemed to have a good understanding of God. I questioned them about their knowledge and they pointed me to another book - the Holy Bible.

Not having a religious upbringing and admitting to my ignorance, I bit the bullet and bought a bible. In it, I found an abundant source of knowledge and wisdom that amplified and supported the spiritual principles found in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. This led me to believe that the similarities existing between the spiritual principles practiced in 12-Step programs and those found in the Bible were no simple coincidence.

The essence of the 12 steps is the practical application of principles that modify an individual’s character; and hence, their living behavior. In AA, discussions of these principles slant toward alcoholism, but the roots of biblical truths are there. These principles are spiritual and are the prime catalyst for the change process that unfolds as an individual evolves from the insanity of drunkenness to the sanity of sobriety.

In the early days of AA, there was no reference manual, and members used the Bible (and related writings) as their primary source of information about God, about His will and attributes – and the process of freeing themselves from character defects. There has always been a link between the AA 12-Step program and the Bible. It is not the purpose of this book to provide that account. These resources are available to anyone who wants to examine the biblical influence behind the AA program.

Over the years, I have come to understand that the program of AA is effective at accomplishing its primary purpose. However it is limited in scope as to a biblical understanding of God. The purpose of this book is to help recovering individuals recognize the deeper personal need to pursue spiritual growth with God through reading the Bible. Any person who is recovering in a 12-Step program, and who has a desire to know more about God, will benefit from the experience.

In the chapters that follow, we will shed some light on the spiritual principles and the process found in AA’s 12-Step program. We will refer to meaningful scripture from the Holy Bible - God’s personal message to humanity. We will give visibility to the mystery of how and why the AA program benefits the alcoholic. We will understand why we lose the obsession to drink, as the principles of the 12-Step program become a way of life. We will understand why a complete surrender to God is necessary. We will explore the reasons why we are the way we are, and why we do the things we do. We will examine the fundamentals of belief systems, principles, thoughts, feelings, actions, habits, and choices.

We will see the real need for an understanding of the biblical God and know Him better. We will grow to appreciate that we are a creation of a living God and what that really means. We will learn how to seek him. We will find a helper. We will learn how to know God’s will in our life. We will relate to the biblical explanation of off the beam and on the beam. We will learn the real meaning of self-control. We will grow in truth about prayer and meditation. Our sight will become clearer about spirituality. New choices will become apparent and we will learn to make the better choices. Lie-giving scripture will enlighten all of these familiar areas.

I sincerely believe that all members of Alcoholics Anonymous or similar 12-Step programs can benefit from this book. The audience for this book is members of Alcoholics Anonymous, or other 12-Step programs who have not found sufficient answers for the spiritual aspect of their program. The truths in this book will also work for other of life’s problems. Yes, you may find help for them here, too. The author’s experience has been with alcoholism and living problems. It is my deep personal belief that there is a spiritual choice that when acted on brings real joy and meaning to not only sobriety - but life as well.

It is not clear why certain people are pre-disposed to alcoholism while others are not. The scientific and medical communities claim heredity as a factor. There is sound genetic research data to back up these claims. Other evidence points to the environment we had as children. Both of these factors play a role. However, I firmly believe that alcohol addiction can happen to anyone who drinks long and hard enough regardless of his or her surroundings, upbringing, or heredity. I also believe that the process of forming the addiction is the same process that introduces all destructive habits into our life.

As interesting as theories may be, they do not hold any meaning to the alcoholic who is still suffering. It is only important to recognize that he or she is an alcoholic and to take the right action. Once drinking has caused unmanageability in our lives and we are powerless over alcohol, we need a spiritual way to help us change our thinking process. The result will be a change in our behavior and an arrested addiction. Then the consequences that brought us to this point will become our greatest asset.

The physical disease will not go away - the condition can and will! In the AA Big Book we are told that the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. It is imperative if we are to have long term meaningful sobriety that we need to gain spirituality. Alcoholics Anonymous is but a starting point - a primer for what lies ahead. This crossroad is where the transformation process begins. It is the springboard for a new way of life. It is there where we learn to stay sober. It is where we first begin to learn why we click and clack when we should tick and tock.